70+ Best Coolest Facebook Status Updates

Last Updated: December 30th, 2022

Facebook is the most popular social networking site and if you are searching for some best coolest and funny Facebook Status Updates to add to your timeline, you are at the right place. Listed below are 70+ coolest and funny Facebook Status Updates. Facebook alternatives, Funny Videos Websites.

Coolest Facebook Status Updates

1. A bank is a place that will lend you money if you can prove that you don’t need it.

2. Facebook is like a fridge. When you’re bored you keep opening and closing it every few minutes to see if there’s anything good in it.

3. Is wondering if you can grow marijuana on Farmville and then sell it on Mafia Wars?

4. Behind every successful student, there is a deactivated Facebook account. lol…

5. My ex-boyfriend’s Facebook status said ‘Suicidal and standing on the edge.’ …So I poked him.

6. The police are on the way to arrest you for stealing my heart, hijacking my feelings, and driving me crazy.

7. If you are reading this, congrats you know how to read..

8. If Barbie is so popular, why do you have to buy her friends?

I dream of a better tomorrow, where chickens can cross the road and not be questioned about their motives.

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10. Reality is for people who can’t use the internet.

11. Change is inevitable, except for a vending machine.

12. Slept like a baby last night…. Waking up every 3 hours crying for food.

13. If life gives you questions, Google gives you answers.

14. I have finally figured out why I can’t lose this extra weight. The shampoo I use in the shower that runs down my body says, “for extra volume and body.

15. I wonder what will happen if Steve Jobs dies…. His tombstone may read – iDead…

16. We live in the age where pizza gets to your house faster than an ambulance.

17. Sometimes? Late at night? I rearrange traffic signs. People need to be challenged.

18. Tip to reduce weight, first turn your head to the left and then turn it to the right. Repeat this exercise every time you are offered something to eat.

19. I`m jealous of my parents, I`ll never have a kid as cool as theirs…

20. I just burned 1200 calories.I forgot the pizza in the oven.

21. ’m not addicted to facebook! You know, I just use it whenever I have time. Lunch time, break time, bed time, off time, that time, this time, any time, all the time! 😛

22. I like to name my iPod ‘Titanic’ so when it says ‘Syncing Titanic’ i click cancel and it makes me feel like a hero.

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24. That awkward moment when you realize that “deleting History” is more important than “creating History” nowadays.

25. Dear MATH, stop asking to find your X, she’s not coming back.

26. I’m a smart person, I just do stupid things.

27. Money can’t buy happiness, but it pays for the internet, which is pretty much the same thing.

28. All my life I thought air is free until I bought a bag of chips.

29. Doctors finally figured out whats wrong with a boys brain; on the left side, there’s nothing right; and on the right side, there’s nothing left…

30. Laugh at your problems, everybody else does.

31. In an interview, “I can multitask housework with Facebook!”

32. Did you know that dolphins are so smart that within a few weeks of captivity, they can train people to stand on the very edge of the pool and throw them fish?

33. 3 steps to move on. CTRL + ALT + DEL. Control yourself, look for an alternate solution and delete the situation that hurts you.

34. A bank is a place that will lend you money, if you can prove that you don’t need it.

35. Facebook is the only place where it’s acceptable to talk to a wall.

36. To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism. To steal from many is research.

37. Laziness is the Mother of all bad habits but ultimately she is a mother and we should respect her.

38. Weekends remind me of rainbows. They look good from far way, but when you get up close, they disappear.

39. I like work. It fascinates me. I sit and look at it for hours.

40. You can never really say whats’ on your mind, when your family is on Facebook 😉

41. The advantage of exercising every day is that you die healthier.

42. Don`t you know it`s rude to talk while I`m interrupting?

43. Dear Google, Please stop behaving like a GIRL. Will you please allow me to complete the whole sentence before you start guessing and suggesting.

44. If you think education is expensive, try ignorance.

45. I was born to be a pessimist. My blood type is B Negative.:P

46. I thought I wanted a career, turns out I just wanted paychecks.

47. That sad moment when your internet doesn’t work and you don’t know what to do with your life. 🙁 😛

48. When people don’t laugh at my jokes I just assume that they’re not up to my level of comedy.

49. Knowledge is power, and power corrupts. So study hard and be evil.

50. Wifi is like love. It’s in the air.

51. Boys will be boys as long as there are no girls in the picture.

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53. God is really creative , i mean ..just look at me 😛

54. If winning isn’t everything why do they keep score?

55. Just imagine how great life would be if pizza made you skinny!

56. When I drink alcohol.. everyone says I’m alcoholic. But.. When I drink Fanta.. no one says I’m fantastic.

57. I love my job only when I’m on vacation.

58. Artificial intelligence is no match for natural stupidity.

59. A man asks a trainer in the gym: “I want 2 impress that beautiful girl, which machine can I use?” Trainer replies: “Use the ATM”.

60. Dear people who update their Facebook statuses every 30 seconds, there’s Twitter for a reason!

61. You sent a friend request, I accepted, We talked, We liked, We dated, We got committed, I loved, You cheated, I deleted 😛

62. I’m born to express, not impress.

63. I am who I am, your approval is not needed.

64. You don’t like my attitude? That’s fine. It doesn’t like you either.

65.  Dear Monday, can you please die or go to hell? 🙁

64. My opinions may have changed, but not the fact that I am right.

65. You’re so lucky that I’m terrified of prison.

66. Someday you’ll go far, and I hope you stay there.

67. Not always “available”, try your luck.

68. I just like to be my selfie.

69. Can I have your photo so that I can show Santa what I want for Christmas?

70. All I need is your love.

71. My life, my rules, that’s my attitude.

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If you are aware of other cool and funny Facebook Status updates, feel free to share!